Are you ashamed of success?

I’m sitting at my computer editing the home page of Tiny Tiger and I type the words, “I’m an award-winning web developer who built a successful six-figure business from the ground up.” As I type, I cringe. My stomach tightens, and I frown, my nose scrunching up like a bunny. God, should I just say it like that? What will people think?

I’m instantly transported to the day of my high school graduation party. I’m setting up the guest book table and I’ve added my academic awards, along with a few of my favorite knickknacks and my diploma. I turn around and my mom is frowning at me. “Should you put those out?” she asks. “I think you might make other people feel bad.”

To my 18 year-old self’s credit, I left my awards out, but I learned from my mom in that moment that the right thing to do is to hide your accomplishments. I wish I could say I’ve defied that lesson at every turn in my life, but there have been plenty of times when I’ve shuttered my light because I was afraid I might make other people feel uncomfortable.

It’s an experience that I know many other women relate to. The message for us is clear — “Stay small, no one likes a show-off.” And the grandmama of all success-shaming statements, “Who do you think you are?”

But what are the consequences of that mentality? I don’t think anyone should inflate their accomplishments or use every chance to bring them up. But if we don’t at appropriate moments give ourselves the permission to talk about our abilities we miss out on opportunities. I know I have. And whenever we miss out, the people and communities who rely on us do too.

The next time you feel that niggling voice to stay small. Try something different. See what happens.

If people are turned off by your honest assessment of who you are and what you can do, they are not the people who should be working with you.